“I come here to buy old dumpers’ cars,” he added, as the wind whistled through the stands of broken car doors and discarded hubcaps. I was staring at a dingy old sedan with more miles than I had childhood memories on a drab Thursday morning, wondering to myself, “How bad could this possibly be?” Welcome to the world of extended warranties. There are late-night promises, documents that read like fairy tales or court records and reviews from which, if you squint, you begin to discern patterns you recognize. more about the author

The claims process is where the real weight of a review lies. Feel-good stories are boring but good for morale, because they typically mean claims were paid. The scapegoats in nearly all of them are “wear and tear,” “pre-existing condition” or “improper maintenance.” What does that mean? Hoard every receipt, oil-change log, parts invoice like a family heirloom. You are also much more likely to get them if you treat them well.

There is so much not addressed in such contracts. Aftermarket modifications, increased suspensions, big wheels, commercial applications, ride-sharing and emissions hardware are just a few examples that can slip through the safety net. Even gaskets aren’t covered, unless covered item takes them out. Weird? Yes, for sure. Is it common? Yes, sadly.

Next, there’s the cash. Nobody is a fan of surprise bills, and deductibles can be a burden on the bank account. One per visit is better than one per part (though not all plans operate that way). Also, watch out for restrictions on labor rates. If your mechanic’s rate is $175 an hour versus $120 an hour that your plan covers, you get to pay the extra. And there are constant disputes over diagnostic charges, which tend to mysteriously vanish from the contract.

Another test is that of the customer. If a company has terrible reviews and they stop responding?@stop. On the other hand, the fact that you are a professional is demonstrated by a short and precise explanation. But watch out for those mysterious surges of lovely five-star ratings; sometimes they feel less like visits than jobs. The highest-ranked ratings provide specifics including year, mileage, part, dates and compensation. Things that are true.

Language is everything. A plan that describes what it excludes in no uncertain terms is generally better than one that offers vague promises. Contracts speak the facts, sales pages flow like music. Obtain a sample contract and review whether it squares with what you pitched. If something is lost, blame yourself, not the other guy.

The consensus in most reviews is to pay the bill and then recover the item, rather than wait for a refund. There are people who mock delays — “still waiting, week three” or something — but for the unlucky ones the delays are not at all funny. When you purchase something as large as that, paperwork moves all the time very slowly.

Manufacturer-sponsored plans often score higher because they’re tied to brand networks and are easier to file claims with. They are an extra cost, but you can rest knowing that. Third-party contracts that dealers sell are a different matter; some work well and others march at the pace of molasses. It’s fine to employ private administrators, but you should check their licenses, history and complaints before you put your trust in them.

If a provider won’t send you the contract, the exclusions, the steps for making a claim or even a time frame for getting your money back, walk away. Quick, clear answers are a good sign; evasions are a bad sign. Reviews also caution against dodgy upsell tactics, such as “coverage starts today, no inspection,” high-pressure sales tactics to get you to buy on the spot, vague answers about rental or travel coverage and companies that change names every few years. Conversely, good signals are that you get a real PDF contract, a self-pay network, clear terms and redress for cancelling and transferring, hours when the phone will be answered, and an actual person to speak to.

So the moral of that rainy Thursday in the heart of rust and rain is: Warranties are not miracle shields. If your car is inexpensive to repair and typically runs, skip the warranty — save that money. It may be worth it to have a plan if a single repair will put you over your budget for one month. Just keep on reading the fine print until you’ve got the whole thing in mind, and then decide. Don’t frown when you buy it.